You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
