I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
