Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
