well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
