So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
