I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
