Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
