Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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