I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
