i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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