Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
