if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
