When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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