He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
