the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
