Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
