she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
