Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
