Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
