my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
