Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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