I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
