I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
id be glad to
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no you cant smoke seaweed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
