Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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