Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
