My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
