this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
