is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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