soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
