I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
