we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
