Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
