I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
