I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
