I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
