Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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