Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
