Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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