Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
