Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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