There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
