Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
