she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
