I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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