I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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