I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
