think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
