At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
