I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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