did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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